Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
