i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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