rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
