i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
