i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
