me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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