I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
