Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
