Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
