he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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