I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
too bad you live with your parents still
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
