Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
