He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
