i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, beer. Big fan.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday