watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.