Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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