3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
