Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
