so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
