is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he quoted the bible to break up with me
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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