What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
