I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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