I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
