Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
