i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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