I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
