Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize