Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
