I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
