did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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