I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
