I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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