ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
