i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
