There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
