Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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