The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
