i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
