Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
