she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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