He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
