I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fuck appropriateness.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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