shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
