I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
