$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why do cheetos always look like penises
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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