this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize