the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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