I'm really into asian looking animals
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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