Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
