I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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