Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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