They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
