just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
