If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
