I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
