Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
