we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone came in the potted fern
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
