from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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