and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize