i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
