her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
