well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
